A Beautiful Mess

I know the world's a broken bone, but melt your headaches call it home

112 notes


LISTEN UP. We’re going to be in Mexico next year for a 4 night concert party with Fall Out Boy, Travie McCoy, New Politics, & LOLO for DCD2 Records' Hydra Fest and you can now book a room. That’s right, go gather your friends and book a room here. If none of your friends want to go, you can participate in the “flying solo” program where you book a bed in a room and get matched up with someone. More info. 
DCD2 Records Hydra Fest - April 15-19 2015 @ the Hard Rock Hotel in Riviera Maya Mexicow/ Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, Travie McCoy, New Politics, and LOLO What you get: - two outdoor open-air evening shows- one special acoustic set- Q&A (in real life, not just on patrick’s twitter)- two shows from Panic! At The Disco, Travie McCoy, New Politics, as well as music from LOLO- hang time with all the bands - dj sets- access to off site excursions - all-inclusive food and drinksand much much more TBA! http://hydrafestival.com/

Uhhhh well looks like I’ll be visiting my family in December and April lol


LISTEN UP. We’re going to be in Mexico next year for a 4 night concert party with Fall Out BoyTravie McCoyNew Politics, & LOLO for DCD2 RecordsHydra Fest and you can now book a room. That’s right, go gather your friends and book a room here

If none of your friends want to go, you can participate in the “flying solo” program where you book a bed in a room and get matched up with someone. More info

DCD2 Records Hydra Fest - April 15-19 2015 @ the Hard Rock Hotel in Riviera Maya Mexico
w/ Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, Travie McCoy, New Politics, and LOLO 

What you get: 

- two outdoor open-air evening shows
- one special acoustic set
- Q&A (in real life, not just on patrick’s twitter)
- two shows from Panic! At The Disco, Travie McCoy, New Politics, as well as music from LOLO
- hang time with all the bands 
- dj sets
- access to off site excursions 
- all-inclusive food and drinks

and much much more TBA! 


Uhhhh well looks like I’ll be visiting my family in December and April lol

2,193 notes

I will admit it. I have read all three books in the Fifty Shades of Grey series.

I am not admitting this because I am ashamed of my sexual desires or even because I feel the need to rant and rave about the poor writing quality of these books. (And it is extremely poor. I set my Kindle to count how many times the word “gasp” is used in the third book and the total was more than 70). I am admitting this because I feel the need to share my opinions about what I consider to be the incredibly — and dangerously — abusive relationship portrayed in the books.

When I first heard about Fifty Shades of Grey and learned they began as Twilight fanfiction, I swore I would not read them. I have read all of the Twilight books and I did not enjoy them. I found the relationships between Edward and Bella and Bella and Jacob to be patronizing and emotionally abusive, and I also thought the writing was pedestrian at best and boring to read. Why would I devote the limited amount of time I have for reading for pleasure to a series like this?

But as the dialogue about Fifty Shades of Grey increased, both in the media and amongst my friends, my curiosity was piqued. I attended a talk titled “Fifty Shades of Grey - Bad for Women, Bad for Sex” and decided that I should see what all the fuss was about.

To quote the book, I gasped. I rolled my eyes. I even bit my lip a few times. But not for the reasons Anastasia, the protagonist, did. I did out of exasperation, boredom and disgust, but also out of fear. After reading this book series, I am deeply afraid that this type of relationship will be viewed as the romantic ideal for women. And I consider that to be extremely dangerous — much more so than anything that takes place between Christian and Anastasia in the Red Room of Pain.

Could the character of Anastasia Steele be any more of a stereotype? She is an introvert, has low self-esteem, has abandonment issues from her father, apparently has only one close friend who bullies her and even though she works in a hardware store, she doesn’t seem to possess any self-sufficiency aside from cooking for her roommate and herself. She seems to have no sexual identity until Christian Grey enters her life and requests that she become his Submissive in a sexual relationship.

In order to be Christian’s submissive, Anastasia is expected to sign a lengthy and detailed contract that, amongst other requirements, requires that she exercise four days a week with a trainer that Christian provides (and who will report to Christian on her progress), eat only from a list of foods Christian supplies her with, get eight hours of sleep a night and begin taking a form of birth control so Christian will not have to wear condoms. Anastasia negotiates a few terms of the contract with Christian (she only wants to work out three days a week, not four), but all of her negotiations are only within his framework — none of the terms are hers independently. Nothing in their relationship is hers as an independent.

The character of Christian Grey is a rich, superpowered businessman who was abused as a child. He is in therapy, and Anastasia frequently references his therapist, but based on how he treats Anastasia, he doesn’t seem to be making much progress. As Anastasia’s relationship with Christian progresses, his controlling tendencies affect her life more and more. When her friend takes portraits of her for his photography exhibit, Christian buys all of them, because he does not want anyone else looking at Anastasia. (They weren’t even in a relationship when he did this.) When she is hired as an assistant at a publishing company, he buys the company — to make sure she’s “safe” working there. When she goes out to a bar with her one friend, against his wishes, he flies from New York to Washington State that same night, just to express his anger — and exercise his control over her. When she does not immediately change her name at her office (in hopes of maintaining some professional autonomy, given that he bought the company she works at), he shows up, unannounced, at her office, in the middle of her workday, to pick a fight with her. When she asks why it is so important to him that she change her name, he says he wants everyone to know she is his.

Christian’s possession of Anastasia is the cause of much of my disgust and fear of the book’s influence on people and how they view romantic relationships. After they exchange their wedding vows, the first words he says to her are, “Finally, you’re mine.” The control he exercises over her does not reflect his love for her; it reflects his objectifying of her. Christian never views Anastasia as a person, let alone an independent woman. He wants her to obey him, and even though she refuses to include that in her wedding vows, it is exactly what she does. When her mother questions her choice to keep her wedding dress on rather than change before traveling for her honeymoon, she says, “Christian likes this dress, and I want to please him.” Her desire to try some of the “kinky fuckery” in his Red Room of Pain comes from wanting to demonstrate her love for him, not her own sexual desires.

Wanting to please Christian apparently includes subjecting herself to verbal and emotional abuse from him ‘til death do them part, because any time she tries to stand up to him — which isn’t often — he berates her, guilt trips her and beats her down verbally until she apologizes and submits to him. After she uses the “safe word” in the Red Room of Pain so he will stop, he bemoans his sad state of mind later, mentioning that his “wife fucking safe worded him.” He is not concerned with her well-being or why she felt the need to use the safe word. He only cares about how it affects him.

The question that I kept asking myself as I read the books was why Anastasia stayed with Christian, and the answer I found was that she has absolutely no sense of self worth. She only feels sexy when he says she is, and when he insults or patronizes her, she accepts what he says as the truth. One of the passages that disgusted me the most was when Anastasia was at a club with Christian, dancing and thinking to herself that she never felt sexy before she met him and that he had given her confidence in her body. Yes, being with a partner who frequently compliments you can increase your confidence, but Anastasia went from zero to one hundred thanks to Christian. None of that came from within herself. Because of his influence on her, nothing in her life came from herself — her job, her home, her way of life, or even her self-esteem.

The co-dependency between Anastasia and Christian is alarming to read and even more to contemplate. When she breaks up with him at the end of the first book, the second book finds her starving herself and wasting away to nothing until he contacts her again. When she thinks his helicopter has crashed in the second book, she thinks to herself that she can’t live without him. Their marriage only comes about because he is scared she will leave him, and when she asks what she can do to prove to him she isn’t going anywhere, he says she can marry him. Yes, origins of insecurity and desperation are a great start to a healthy marriage.

When Anastasia finds herself unexpectedly pregnant and shares the news with Christian, he rages at her, asking if she did it on purpose and storming out of the house, disappearing for hours. Even though Anastasia thinks to herself that the pregnancy happened too soon in their marriage, she never considers terminating it.

The themes of the novel — that love alone can make someone change, that abuse from a spouse is acceptable as long as he’s great in bed, that pregnancies should always be carried to term even if the parents are not ready to be parents, and the ridiculously antiquated, Victorian idea that the love of a pure virgin can save a wayward man from himself — are irrational, unbelievable and dangerous.

Our culture has seen a radical shift of ideals moving towards traditional gender roles and Fifty Shades of Grey is a shining example of that. Early marriage to one’s first sexual partner, having a baby even when saying neither of the partners is ready to be a parent, and submission to one’s husband as the head of the household are all aspects of life that feminists and progressive thinkers have worked to move beyond. Anastasia and Christian’s relationship is not romantic. It is abusive. The ways he tries to “keep her safe” are not masculine or sexy. They are stalking. Fearing one’s husband’s reaction to an unexpected pregnancy is not normal, because “boys will be boys.” It is sad and dangerous and should not happen in a healthy relationship.

Fifty Shades of Grey was one of the best-selling books of the year. Sex toy classes have been inspired by it, as have new types of cocktails. The film adaptation is already in the works. I sincerely hope that honest discussion will be had about the book and that the Christian Grey ideal of romance is not one that will be perpetuated throughout our culture. The best way that can happen is through open, honest dialogue that leads to healthy relationships of two equal partners. That, in my opinion, is sexier than anything that can happen in the Red Room of Pain.

Fifty Shades of Feminism - A Response to E. L. James’ 'Fifty Shades of Grey'

(via unironicallyardentnerd)

(Source: exgynocraticgrrl, via cirk-urk)

Filed under this guy is a fucking sociopath and this is not an example of a bdsm relationship wtf is wrong with people why do people enjoy these books

0 notes

I’ve been missing my counselor, well former counselor, a lot lately. Like it’s not that I need a counselor right now but sometimes I wish I could talk to him about some stuff that happens. Or like how I felt really intimidated when I went to the orientations cuz I’m the youngest one there and that they don’t usually hire people with little experience especially if they don’t have a masters.
Like I want my mentor back especially now when I’m starting my career. Maybe I’ll ask him to do a lunch or dinner soon. And I was going to invite him to my grad party but I thought it was too weird lol.
I guess I miss having him as a friend yknow

Filed under random vicky post

79,922 notes

395,587 Plays
Susan Egan
I Won't Say (I'm In Love)


i won’t say (i’m in love) // susan egan

if there’s a prize for rotten judgement
i guess i’ve already won that
no man is worth the aggravation
that’s ancient history
been there, done that

(via tessi0411)

0 notes

I am irrationally angry at my cousin’s husband because he is a sociopath and he’s hurting my cousin and he’s sadly coming on saturday (but he’s rich so maybe he’ll give me some money??) and i kinda just wanna push him down the stairs

50 notes

Body positivity is a weighty issue.
You’ll have to excuse the terrible pun and the layers of sarcasm underneath my hollow thoughts. You see, I have spent too much time being full yet feeling empty and being empty yet feeling too full to avoid trying to cover my feelings with caustic words.

'Supersize vs. Superskinny'
‘Extreme Weightloss’
‘I Used to Be Fat’
‘Shedding for the Wedding’
‘The Biggest Loser’

Just a handful of shows that exist in our modern western society that tackle the problem head on; they are harmless, right? Important, even. Fat people are presented as the problem, the object of fear used as an example that reiterates the same message.

You don’t want to end up like them.

Here’s a question:
Why is health only important if it means a person is thin?

It’s safe to say that no one in their right state of mind would want to see their daughters/sisters/nieces/friends
/sons/brothers/lovers disintegrate from the inside out. We know that a four year old looking down over her baby fat belly at a number on the scale is synonymous to a nightmare. We know that when your youngest cousin sits down for a family meal on a holiday spent together, something is wrong if their laughter echoes a little too late and their hands are pushing food around while their eyes are almost expressionless.

Speaking of shallow, expressionless eyes, I can say that I’ve seen a pair staring back at me on many occasions. I know deep down that I’ve never been fat. I mean, compared to high fashion models that are my height or the other girls in my dance classes over the years that my version of 5’9.5” is certainly bigger. But I’ve grown up hearing people say how exotic and beautiful I am and I’ve had therapists say they would kill to be my size and larger friends cry with outrage after I said ‘I’m fat,’ what does that make them?

Let me tell you one of my deepest, darkest secrets.
It doesn’t matter how many times a doctor with years of education and a residency at a top ranked hospital have told me that I could gain fifteen pounds or lose fifteen pounds and still have a healthy body mass index. It doesn’t matter that even at my largest, I was taller and smaller than the average American woman. It doesn’t matter how many times my friends tell me food is good and that I should JUST EAT. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been told by the same doctors that my weight is perfect and that no one has ever had to warn my parents that their child might grow up to be fat or that no one has ever taken the time to ask me if I use food to cope.

What matters is that despite the amount of times my parents have called me beautiful, I can still tell you every single time my mother has jokingly said something that pulled darkness out of me with more force than I’ve ever used to purge food. What matters is that on the website for the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders EDNOS is described as something that 52% of eating disorder sufferers may have, simply because most sufferers do not, and I quote, have pure forms of disorders. What matters is that EDNOS has the highest death rate and consequences that are just as serious as Bulimia and Anorexia Nervosa. What matters is that we live in a society that will encourage someone who posts a status update or tweets something about how they want to end it all right now - and rightfully so - to get help.

That being said, no one seems to care about slow suicide.
Especially when you appear to be “healthy.”

I like to think that as a society, we are making progress. Then I frequently realize that their are still tabloids with screaming headlines under unflattering pictures about the size of a certain celebrity’s ass, next to a headline singing about how another A/B/C list celebrity “finally did it.” It being unlocking the holy grail that is the manifestation of success: getting/staying/returning to being thin.

No one really wants to talk about how eating disorders often go hand in hand with other mental illnesses. Depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety, and other forms of self-harm are excellent companions to those of us who know what it feels like to want to crawl out of our own skin, even if it means clawing and hurting anyone around us that tries to get in the way. No one wants to address the meaning of genetic predisposition or the way all of those studies often come to the same scientific conclusion: Those primarily affected are upper middle class, white, teenage girls.

We think those teenage girls grow out of it, and that it is entirely normal for those same girls to turn into women that always buy sugar free, low sodium, organic, diet products at the grocery store and count calories more than they count money to pay their adult bills or take care of their families. We want to trivialize eating disorders and wrap them up into a feminine, childish box because that is what makes them digestible. We don’t want to talk about how they stay with you for life, or how despite all of Dove’s body positivity campaigns or the ever so slight diversity of bodies now shown in Seventeen and Teen Vogue magazines, there is an entire industry that profits from the insecurity of girls and women - and by extension men, members of the LGBTQ community, and anyone in between.

If you are human, you are part of consumerism in this world. However, if you have an eating disorder, there is still a price tag on your head. Yes, diet culture is a factor behind all of this. I often wonder what the reason behind my disorder is. Did I develop a fear of “fat” because we treat fatness like a parasite? Did I think being able to count my ribs would allow me to achieve a higher arabesque? Did I begin to hate myself when I realized that all of those thin models were gorgeous and some magazines began to feature plus size versions of the same cookie cutter beauty - but none of them look like me? Is being biracial a factor? I could go on and on with questions, and I’m sure than many eating disordered people have a list with different words that means just as much to them as my unanswered questions do to me.

I’ll leave you with my final, biggest, most important question:
Why is it that everyone wants to blame diet culture, but no one really seems to want to change diet culture?

Eating disordered or not, I ask you to consider this the next time you aren’t feeling so body positive, beautiful, or comfortable in your own skin.

"everyone says that diet culture causes ed’s but no one wants to change diet culture," inspired by a conversation with the lovely bradei (via avec-espoir)

(via body-positivity-city)

870 notes

I admit, I’m pretty damn elusive and that’s not a reliable friend quality but I promise it’s only because I’m working on my relationship with myself and we need some time alone. Shoutout to patience and understanding.

I admit, I’m pretty damn elusive and that’s not a reliable friend quality but I promise it’s only because I’m working on my relationship with myself and we need some time alone. Shoutout to patience and understanding.

(Source: subtleceiling, via tessi0411)